Monday, 9 September 2013

Free but not free



Free. Cured. Better. Gone.

But not really gone. Though physically no longer there, still always there. Like a rock thrown into a pond once below the surface can no longer be seen but has changed the foundation of the pond forever.

Phrases like “So brave.” “So proud.” “So amazing.” Are often heard uttered but I can never quiet see why. I didn’t actually do anything. I am most certainly not the one who deserves the credit. It sometimes even feels like I was not even there myself but was looking on to someone else’s life. But I guess at such a young age the affect was harder on others than it was on me.

“You have cancer… cancer… cancer… cancer” I could imagine the word echoed around my parents heads. Meanwhile I just kept trying to watch the TV that was playing over his shoulder. Come on man Sylvester is trying to get Tweetie and I am trying to see what is going to happen. He prattled on about the drugs and the surgery and the side effects and I watched as Sylvester failed with a ladder and then failed tightrope walking across the clothes line. Then the screen went black.

“You’re not even listening,” said Dad.

“I was so they need to give me drugs and I’ll be sick and then more operations,” I replied.

“Your hair will probably fall out as well,” the doctor continued. Those were the first words to hit home. It was just getting past my shoulders. I’d always had trouble growing it. People thought I was a boy at the age of 2 because I had no hair. To the point mum even sticky taped a bow to my head.

“All of it?” I asked.

“It affects everyone differently. But most of the time it would be all of it.”

Fall out it did. Most of it until all that was left was some horrendous straw looking stray bits that we ended up shaving off. Then I was GI Jane. My favourite new phrase was “Draw a line down the middle of my head so it looks like a butt.” Yes Cool Running’s was one of my favourite movies at the time.

Numerous rounds of chemo and surgery later and they gave me the all clear. I had 6 monthly check-ups, then they became annual and then bi-annual and then at the 10 year mark they said well-done we don’t need to see you again.

There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about it so it’s never really gone. Each morning before the shower I look at the surgical scars and wonder how much better I would look without them. Would my belly protrude as much had it not been sliced open so many times. Would I have tried working out to produce some abs that I now I will never be able to achieve with muscles cut through as many times as mine had been.

To this day it still affects my career. From the age of 9 I was determined to join the Navy. I studied hard, I joined Navy Cadets, I lived and breathed boating and weapons. I knew everything there was to know about ranks and ships and bases and any information I could get my hands on I did. My school career councillor spent a mere 5 minutes with me as I told her that my application was already in process and that I would be attending ADFA the next year and that was that. Upon leaving school and continuing the application process I received that letter that crushed my lifelong hopes and dreams. The letter told me that I was deemed to be medically unfit to join the defence force. I got everything together medical records, recommendations from my commanding officer all the cadet information and qualifications I had and sent through an appeal almost the size of a novel. This was returned with another letter telling me that they had reviewed my appeal but it was a “Defence Force Policy” that people with cancer could not join. Think it might be nice to put that on their recruiting information. The Navy needs you- but not if you have had cancer.

I then made my way to my fall back dream and struggled my way through with that as well. My second dream was to be a performer and still is but so often does a role require a bikini or a midriff or something else that will show of the wonderful array of surgical scars that I have. Many a look at the belly improportionate to the rest of my figure and walking away from an audition knowing that the role will go to a thinner looking person. Gave a crack at modelling but without getting my belly out the jobs were few and far between.

So failing my first two career options I dove into and endless cycle of hospitality and retail not really knowing what on earth I wanted to do with my life. I often think of calling those that would understand and went through the treatment with me the people I met at the hospital and then I remember that Heaven doesn’t have a phone. Then realise that my relationship forming problems come from the fact that it was too often I would make a friend only to have to say goodbye.

The final problem that I still face almost two decades after my diagnosis is babies. Can I have one? No-one knows and they won’t go poking around until I have started trying. Being not far of 30 means a normal woman’s chances have decreased but a one ovaried chemotherapy ridden ones chances have probably decreased much more. I say I will cross that bridge when I come to it but sometimes I can’t help but wonder.

Ten years after my initial defence force rejection I decided to give it another go. But once again was sent a letter telling me that I was medically unfit.

Even after so many years of being cured and the cancer gone it is still leaving its affects.

I am walking 60kms in a few months to raise money for women’s cancers so women like myself can receive the treatment and support they need. I have a very long way to go and the support has been very sporadic. I understand there are a lot of charities and a lot asking for donations but I thought perhaps that people who were there with me through it all and those who know that it will always be a part of which I am might help a little. Not always money but a little time with an event or a training walk or anything that they can verbal encouragement.


But after all this morbidness I am quite content with the life I have and more than appreciate the chance that I have been given to continue life when so many others are not granted that opportunity. I am generally a positive person but just wanted to point out that some things are with you forever.


(To my friends and family please do not be concerned I am fine and I am happy these are just thoughts to paper.)

Saturday, 15 September 2012

F& GC #26- Villanelle


Don’t judge because you don’t know,
My past is something you will never understand.
I made mistakes but that was long ago.

I’ve lived a life with nothing to show,
I thought by now it would be more grand.
Don’t judge because you don’t know.

Sometimes we change and grow,
And often take a stand.
I made mistakes but that was long ago.

I had nowhere left to go,
And took it by the hand.
Don’t judge because you don’t know.

I sit trembling as though sitting in snow,
And everything is so bland.
I made mistakes but that was long ago.

It’s like life’s dealt me one final blow,
I don’t deserve this reprimand.
Don’t judge because you don’t know,
I made mistakes but that was long ago.

Sunday, 5 August 2012

FGC # 21- Noir- Blood Money


BLOOD MONEY

It was a rainy September morning when this dame threw open the door to my office. She stood in the doorway with a frantic look in her eyes. She was dripping on the floor and the white blouse that was now soaked through gave me a good indication of what she may look like without it and she was very attractive.

“I think my husband is having an affair,” she gasped as water sprayed from her luxurious blonde hair when she tossed her head. I groaned inwardly when she said the word husband. It wasn’t the sort of case I usually took on but there was something about this dame that I couldn’t say no to. I motioned to the chair across from me and she took a seat. She took a seat and pulled out a cigarette. I immediately followed suit and lit up one of my own.

“What makes you think that Mrs…” I started.

“Black but please call me Jenny,” she responded through an exhale of smoke.

“Alright then, Jenny, what makes you think that your husband is having an affair,” I queried.
She told me about his late nights, long business trips, the smell of perfume lingering and even a lipstick stain on his collar that she described as a most hideous shade.
I took her details and an upfront deposit to commence my investigation. She rested her hands on my desk and leaned forward giving me even more of a view of what I could already see through her blouse.

“Thank you very much detective. You will be rewarded handsomely if you can help me out,” the words practically purred out of her mouth.

The next few weeks involved me following her husband around. He was a portly balding man that was way beneath the sort of man I thought would have successfully bagged a dame like Jenny. I discovered that he was very focused on work. He was a banker and from the moment he left the home until the moment he got home he worked. When he took a business trip it was work. When he smelt like perfume it was the linger of work colleagues that sprayed it when they were too near. There was not a thing about the man that indicated any unfaithfulness towards Jenny. 

I turned my back on him for only a moment one day and when a gunshot startled me to turn back I was shocked to see him on the ground with a pool of his crimson blood spreading across the pavement. Moments later I found myself being dragged into another detectives office. I had been spotted following the deceased the last few weeks.

The sun had set and the moon was high when I finally let myself into my office to sit back with a glass of scotch. I had barely touched the glass to my lips when my door was flung open.

“He’s dead,” Jenny sobbed as she threw herself into the chair.

“I know. I’m the main suspect,” I growled. “You had me follow him and now they think I murdered the guy.”

“Oh Johnny I’m so sorry,” she sobbed. I couldn’t stay mad at this dame but knew that I would have to find the killer myself. I took Jenny home and she insisted I join her for a nightcap. Never one to say no to a dame, especially one as attractive as Jenny I followed her in. Her definition of nightcap turned out to be very different to the beverage I’d had in mind. After many hours of passion in her bedroom I knew I’d better head home. My mind was reeling with the possible suspects that could have done away with Mr Black. There was the neighbour I’d noticed watching jealously every morning when he left and even more intimidatingly was still awake watching through the curtains when I left.

Name: William Burton
Motive: Wants to bed Jenny.

There was also the colleague that claimed to be his best friend but whenever Mr Blacks back had been turned the daggers came out. The upcoming promotion had only two candidates and with one out of the way the other was sure to get it.

Name: Samuel Davidson
Motive: Wants the promotion.

A number of other possibilities came to mind but with the absence of any gang related activity from the victim and no signs of another woman there was nothing that indicated anyone else could have committed the crime.

The following morning in my office Jenny came in sobbing again.

“Jenny you need to stop coming here they think I am the one that killed your husband,” I told her.

“I know Johnny. I’m dreadfully sorry,” she told me. He perched herself on my desk and let me know that she was interested in a repeat of last night.

“Jenny I can’t I need to find your husband’s killer before they lock me away,” I sighed.

“They think it was me and won’t release his inheritance to me until his killer is caught,” she cried.

“I promise I will find whoever did this,” I told her.

“Run away with me,” she pleaded. After a few hours of passionate convincing I agreed we would run when she received her husbands inheritance. I should have known the only way a man like him could have scored a dame like her was with money. With the $2 million she would receive I didn’t need much convincing. We decided that I would confess to the crime and then she would pay the guards off and we would drive off into the sunset. I picked many flaws in the plan but she appeared to have a way around all of them.

I took home anything that was of value to me and left the office in a state that someone else could take over. I knew I would never work in this business again. I turned myself in and was thrown in a cold dark cell. I waited patiently knowing that as soon as Jenny had the money she would be there. It seemed to take a lifetime before I saw her. When she came to visit me I could hardly contain my enthusuiasm and felt like a young puppy having his master come home.

“Jenny what took so long?” I asked as I took her hands through the bars.

“I’m sorry Johnny,” she whispered. We kissed through the bars.

“Is the deal done?” I asked.

“Of course darling,” she replied pulling me close. Then my heart started aching. I hadn’t realised I’d felt so strongly for her. When she pulled away from me she had a look in her eyes I’d never seen before. The ache immediately became unbearable.

“Jenny?” I asked as I looked down I saw a bloody knife in her hand. “Why?”

“Couldn’t have you taking any of my $2 million dollars,” she smirked. My hand rose the pain in my chest and pulled away covered in blood. I sank to the floor and heard her walk away leaving me on the cold cell floor with my life seeping away.

Challenge- Write a Noir
Word Limit- 2000
Actual word count- 1188

Sunday, 22 July 2012

FGC #20- SPACE OPERA- Homeworld


                          HOMEWORLD

“Sir our starboard landing gear hasn’t released,” Captain Marissa Vanson yelled over the alarms that were sounding.

“We’ll need someone to release them manually,” Colonel Liam Hunter yelled back turning to the two crew members that weren’t at a control panel. The two of them simultaneously pointed to themselves and raised their eyebrows. They each tried to convince the other that they should do it and in the end played a quick game of paper scissors rock to decide who the lucky one would be. When Dr Simon Grey’s rock trumped Lt. Rhys Shepard he grinned and leaned back in his chair.

“You will still need to help him,” Colonel Hunter ordered. The siren continued to sound while the two of them raced to lower the landing gear. The ship pitched forward suddenly and Colonel Hunter was thrown off balance. He caught himself with one hand on the back of Marissa’s chair and the other was over the top of her resting on the windshield. He admired the way the flashing red light that accompanied the siren reflected in her glossy black hair. He’d intended to right himself straight away but couldn’t tear himself away from her.

“Sir, are you okay?” asked Marissa’s co-pilot Captain Steve Walker.

“I’m fine,” Liam snapped as he stole one last glance and stood upright.

“Sir the atmosphere on this planet is a lot denser than ours,” Marissa announced. “We are stuck in its gravitational pull.”

The words washed over Liam as he was distracted by her mesmerizing azure gaze.

“Sir, we are being sucked onto the planets surface,” Marissa rephrased in words that her boss might understand. “We need to abandon the mission or we may not be able to take off.”

“Whatever you think is best Captain,” he replied. Marissa gave Walker the signal to start pulling out of the atmosphere but found it impossible to lift the control column.

“It’s too strong sir,” she cried as she took hold of the column with both hands to try and stop the craft nosediving into the surface of the planet. She glanced over to see Walker struggling as well.

“Is that landing gear down yet?” Colonel Hunter yelled. Before there was any chance for them to reply Marissa took over the aircrafts announcement system.

“Attention all crew brace for impact. Repeat. Brace for…” The craft hit the ground with an almighty crash and slid through the open field that they had luckily landed in. The impact threw the crew around. Marissa’s head hit the control panel knocking her out. Hunter was thrown forward landing over the top of Marissa, while Grey and Shepard who had luckily lowered the landing gear were thrown straight through the aircraft landing in a heap near the rest of the crew. The emergency siren continued blaring through the craft until Walker reached over and switched it off.

“Is everyone okay?” Hunter asked as he found his feet. There were a few groans from the rest of the crew except Marissa. He took hold of her shoulders and gently pulled her back. The blood was pouring down her face. “Doctor you need to help her.”

“For the thousandth time I am a doctor in archaeology,” groaned Simon shaking his head but helping him anyway. After checking her over the two of them eased her out of the chair and lay her gently on the ground. Lt Shepard returned with the first aid kit.

“Is she going to be alright?”  Hunter asked.

“I’m not sure,” Simon replied.

“There is so much blood.”

“Head wounds bleed more than others I’m sure it’s just a graze.”

“Guys,” Walker called. “Guys you might want to see this.” Simon looked up to see what had him so panicked.

“Colonel Hunter,” Simon snapped dragging Hunter’s attention away from Marissa and followed where Simon was pointing through the windshield. Coming across the field in front of them was a few hundred soldiers.

“Oh shit,” Hunter grumbled.

“What are our readings for outside the craft?” Simon asked Walker.

“Everything looks normal. Oxygen and CO2 levels are fine. Pressure is a lot lighter than we experienced on the descent and no sign of radiation. This planet is inhabitable for us,” Walker responded.

 “I guess we should go say hello,” Simon announced as he fastened a bandage around Marissa’s head and got to his feet.
Walker opened the door and Simon inhaled deeply as he and Shepard stepped out onto the ramp.

“This air is cleaner than Earth’s,” he announced.

“Earth seems like a lifetime ago for me,” Shepard announced. Their craft had launched from one of six bases set up around the universe. Each one thousands of light-years from Earth and acted as a halfway point for crews sourcing planets further away.  Earth as they had known it had become vastly overpopulated and had depleted all its resources. The search for other inhabitable planets had become a priority.

 “I’ve only been allowed back to Earth twice since my posting to base 4,” Simon admitted. He stepped off the ramp onto the planet’s surprisingly spongy surface. Before he could say a word the leaders of the army were in front of them.

“We come in peace,” Simon announced. Shepard laughed at the all famous movie line but quickly closed his mouth when he saw the planets inhabitants. They were all at least seven feet tall, very broad across the shoulders and arms like small tree trunks. Their skin ranged through many shades of green in the younger soldiers through to shades of grey on the older ones. The soldiers stared blankly at them.

“Does anyone speak English?” Simon asked.

“English,” came a response from one of the younger soldiers. “Language commonly spoken on Earth.  Known to us as the wasteland. Downloading English.”

The language through some sort of technology was downloaded into the entire race.

“You may not inhabit our planet,” one of the other soldiers told them.

“Kill them,” ordered one of the grey soldiers.

“Wait. If we don’t return to base they will send more craft…” Simon started.

“And we will continue to kill them,” the grey soldier replied.

“Please we mean no harm we are just explorers,” Simon said.

“We have heard that before,” the grey one added.

“Please one of our people is injured. We need help. We are on a friendly mission and we don’t want any harm to come to anyone.”

The grey skinned one conversed with the green skinned one that had been speaking to them. The argument went back and forth for some time. One of them wanted to kill the intruders and the other was happy to help them out and send them on their way. Suddenly Walker came racing down the ramp.

“She’s still losing a lot of blood,” he whispered to Simon. Simon turned to the natives of the planet and tried the pleading angle.

“One of our pilots has been severely injured in the landing and if we don’t get help…” he started.

“Fine,” the grey skinned native growled as he turned to the rest of the army. With a few grunts and howl unlike any creature on Earth he gave the order to return home. A few curious onlookers stayed to help out along with the green skinned leader.

“Follow us and we will get your pilot some help,” he told them. Hunter appeared at the door at the top of the ramp with Marissa in his arms. Without a word of warning all the weapons carried by the natives were aimed directly at him.

“You did not say it was a woman,” growled the native.

“We didn’t think it would matter,” Simon explained.

“If anyone should ask she is your prisoner.”
They all nodded and followed the natives away from the spacecraft introducing themselves on the way.

“Our native names would be too difficult for you to pronounce you may call me Shamrock,” the green leader announced. He introduced Lime, Olive and Teal as his closest soldiers. “My father Slate is the King of our land and is very passionate about keeping our planet as unharmed as possible.”

“We understand that and we are not here to cause any harm,” Simon told them.

 Ahead of them were miles of bushland and open plains.

“I don’t think she will make such a journey,” Hunter announced.

“Luckily we are here,” Shamrock told them as he held his hand up in the air. Then a door opened out of nowhere. Those from Earth gasped in shock. They were ushered through the door into what felt like a whole other world. The city was covered by a dome shaped force field. The buildings were mostly green and glittered like emeralds.

“I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore,” Hunter joked. The door shut behind them and Hunters first priority was to get Marissa the medical attention she needed. Shamrock led the way and the group split up. Simon was taken by Lime to explore the buildings and history. Olive took Shepard to check out the armoury and training grounds and the Walker was led off to search for anything that would help repair the ship.

As soon as Hunter lay Marissa down on the table in their hospital a bright light appeared over the table and then she disappeared.

“Where did she go?” Hunter demanded clawing at the table.

“Our powers that be work their magic elsewhere. She will be returned to you healed. Now you should come and speak to the king about your planet,” Shamrock told him as he led him away. Hunter was taken to the largest building in the city. They had only just got to the door of the main throne room when Slate’s booming voice cut through the air.

“They brought a female with them on a mission,” he yelled.

“She’s our prisoner,” Hunter lied.

“Then why do you care so much if she lives?” Slate demanded.

“She holds vital information that we need to extract from her,” Hunter added.

****

When Marissa came through she was in a cold dark cell surrounded by moss coloured walls. The throbbing pain in her head made her just want to close her eyes and go back to sleep but she knew she had to find the rest of her crew. She groaned as she sat up and came face to face with a few curious looking purple beings. One of them was extremely close to her. Their craniums were large and not covered by any hair. The main thing that took her attention were the eyes. They were large and brown like a seals and when the creature blinked she noticed they had transparent vertical eyelids much like an alligator. Marissa rubbed her own eyes to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. The other creatures made some clicking and chirping sounds and stared at her as though waiting for a response.

“Where am I?” she asked. They stared at her a while longer and then seemed to understand what she had asked.

“This is where we live,” one of them told her. The women told her how they were not considered to amount to anything in their society.

“That’s garbage. You should stand up for yourselves,” she protested.

“That only gets you killed,” explained the one who gave herself the English name of Indigo.

“We don’t have a choice,” added Cerise. “We are merely a vessel to bring the new males into our world and when we are no longer competent breeders we are discarded.”

“What do you mean discarded?” Marissa asked.

“Like rubbish. Then taken to the furnace,” Indigo explained.

“That’s awful,” Marissa cried. She searched the cell for a way out but couldn’t find any exit.

*****

“Where have you taken her?” Hunter demanded. “We have been here over a week now and everything is repaired we are ready to leave.”

“She is still being healed,” Shamrock told him.

“Why don’t I believe you?” Hunter growled. Slate ordered the Earthlings to their temporary quarters. As soon as they were out of earshot he turned to his son.

“You make sure they get off this planet before dawn or I will have them executed. Tell them their woman is dead,” Slate ordered.

“Yes father,” Shamrock nodded as he headed to his own luxurious quarters. He lay down on his bed for a moment and stared at the ceiling. When he knew that his father and the soldiers would be asleep he made his way to the servant’s quarters that had been set up for their guests and opened the door quietly.

“You need to go,” he whispered as he entered the room. The four Earthlings opened were on their feet in seconds.

“What’s going on?” Hunter asked.

“Harbouring a female is punishable by death in our society. So you must leave,” Shamrock explained.

“Where is Marissa?” Hunter asked.

“I’ve been told to evacuate you and tell you that she is dead,” Shamrock stammered.

“And the truth is?” Simon asked.

“She is with the rest of our prisoners,” Shamrock replied staring at the ground. “This way.”

He led the four of them through the castle out through a tunnel at the back of the castle and across the courtyard before taking them through another tunnel in a deep dark corner of the city. The stench from the uncared for prisoners made them gag. Shamrock showed them a tunnel where the cell Marissa was being kept in was. He held Hunter back as the rest of them went ahead.

“You really like your female don’t you?” Shamrock asked. Hunter tried shaking his head to deny it.

“The military would not allow it,” he explained.

“What’s it feel like to like someone like that?” Shamrock pushed. 

“We’ve never been allowed to associate with the females.”

“Everyone experiences it differently but when I look at her everything else goes out of focus. My heart skips a beat and my stomach feels like someone has kicked me in it,” Hunter explained. “But it’s not allowed in my society for one officer to date another.”

The others are waiting patiently for Shamrock to open the cell door. When it swings open they see Marissa on the floor crouched over the body of the emaciated Cerise. Hunter dives forward to hug Marissa.

“Baby I am so happy to see you,” Hunter announced and went in for a kiss. Marissa turned her head to the side.

“You have to go now,” Shamrock ordered. Heavy footsteps could be heard at the top of the tunnel. “We have to go out the back way.”

“We have to take Indigo with us,” Marissa announced.

“That will not go over well,” Shamrock growled.

“If we leave her here she is dead,” Marissa cried. Indigo stood up from the corner she was crouched in. She took hold of Marissas hand.

“You need to get yourself home,” Indigo whispered.

“I’m not leaving you,” Marissa retorted.

“Marissa we have to go now,” Hunter ordered as the footsteps got closer.

“Both of us or none of us,” Marissa growled.

“Fine both,” Hunter grumbled. Shamrock led them to a back exit out of the tunnel. When they reached the surface he raced them through the city to the exit of the dome. Small explosions started going off around them as the soldiers that were chasing them started launching small grenade style weapons at them. One of the spears being thrown pierced Walker through the chest. Marissa tried to run to his aid but another explosion blew his body to pieces.

“Steve,” Marissa cried. Hunter stopped her from lunging forward as another spear whizzed past.

“I must leave you here,” Shamrock announced.

“Thank you,” Hunter replied.

They run for their spacecraft and hear Shamrock holding off the soldiers. They managed to roll through the door with only a few minor injuries and no more loss of life. Marissa set to work on the controls. Lt. Shepard was able to help out a little but he was still only in the early stages of his pilot training. After a few moments they were in the air. The spacecraft rocked around as the planet natives continued to fire at them. Hunter glanced out the window just in time to see Shamrock decapitated execution style.

“Thank you,” he whispered. They ascended outside the planet’s atmosphere and jumped into hyperspace within moments. When Hunter turned from the window to take up his usual gaze on Marissa his vision was blocked by the creature they had rescued.

“What will happen when we arrive at your planet?” Indigo asked.

“We are going to a safe place between your planet and mine. My planet has an issue with accepting those that are different,” Marissa explained.

“Can I stay with you?” Indigo asked.
Marissa could feel herself blushing. She looked over her shoulder and saw Hunter was staring at her. It hadn’t been until he had tried to kiss her in the cell that she realised how big his crush was on her.

“They will probably keep you on base for a little while to make sure that you are not a threat,” Marissa told her.

“I could never be a threat,” Indigo explained. Marissa looked up when a scarlet drip landed on her hand. She expected to find Indigo was bleeding but found her to be crying.

“It’s ok we will make sure that they know that.”

“It’s not that I just wish we could have helped more of my people.”
Shepard put a hand on her shoulder.

“I’m sure if we speak to the boss he might be able to plan a rescue mission,” he said.

“Don’t make promises we can’t keep,” Hunter cut in.

“We could try,” Marissa growled.

“The last thing we need is a war on our hands,” Hunter snapped.

“Like we haven’t had that before,” Marissa grumbled referring to the excessive amount of planets that had not been happy with them. She turned her attention to the controls and plotted a course for home.

Word Count- 2997

Saturday, 14 July 2012

FGC #19 Prose Poem- THE BOAT




The waves hammer the small wooden boat again and again into the rocks. Each crunch of the vessel is simultaneous to the beat of a heart. The ocean is so much to so many. Providing food, entertainment and even safe passage to a new country. Laughter fills the air as a young girl runs down the beach. Her kite flying in the sky with it’s rainbow streamers fluttering in the wind. An onlooker wondered if she knew the colours she flew were the same of those on his pride flag. He closed his eyes and breathed in the unsullied ocean air. Crack! Crack! Crack! The ocean unrelenting. The wood starts to fracture. Waves took it out and then brought it back in slamming it into the rocks. The hull of the boat was compromised and large cracks started to appear. I watched as the small vessel was pulled away again and thought of it as a person. When it was being pulled away it must have seen freedom and escape. Just like the onlooker had felt when they had approved civil unions. Such a joyous occasion, everything he had been fighting for was just within his reach. Crash! The small boat shattered into pieces when a monstrous wave crashed it into the rocks one final time. Exactly how it had felt when the government changed hands and everything was taken away. The same ocean that is so comforting to so many is also devastating to so many others. A small piece of the wooden boat washes up on the shore. The boat that once was resembles his own hope that this world could accept him for who he is. He watches the wood tumble up on the shore. It slides to a stop and rests in the sand. A small hand encircles it and the child giggles. “Daddy, it’s a door to an enchanted kingdom,” the voice cries as she takes hold of his hand. A smile creeps across his face. The very same piece that was my broken hope turns into something magical for his little girl. She is always there to remind him that when everything breaks apart there is always someone or something that will pull it all back together. Rising from the sand he runs headlong into an afternoon of enchantment.

Tuesday, 10 July 2012

FGC #18- Letter.

My dearest Hope,

I wish this letter to find you in good health and pray that all your wounds have healed. I know you will have many questions for me but they are the same questions I am asking myself. You are my everything and there is nothing I want more than to hold you in my arms forever. However life and the world have conspired against us and I have had to leave you with my sister with promises of returning but deep down I know that kiss on your forehead may be the last one. Please do not ever think that I didn't love you. I am not abandoning you but merely protecting you.

I hope your aunt has kept her promise and you are only reading this after you have turned 18. Hopefully by this age you will have a better understanding of what has happened and will find it within your heart to forgive me. Your father was never a nice man. I know that people always like to blame the other person  when a relationship ends but there was something inhuman about him. He treated me like no man should treat a wife.

Ill also take the time now to let you know you once had a brother. You may have been too young to remember him. Jackson was a beautiful soul. He treasured you and would watch you for hours when all the other boys were playing video games. He tried to defend me from your father one night and copped such a beating his little body couldn't pull through. Any stronger woman would have left then but like a fool I stayed.

It wasn't until a few years later when I came home and you told me that "Daddy, showed me love like he shows you." like it was something to be proud of. Sick to my stomach and racked with guilt I packed you a bag. I am sitting here at my sisters writing this for you knowing that I am about to leave you. If I ran with you he would find us so I need to put a stop to him. With an illegally purchased handgun I am about to head over there. If you are reading this then something happened to me.

Please know I love you more than anything else in the world and I hope these actions have not caused you harm my precious darling.

Love always and forever
Mummy xxx

Saturday, 26 May 2012

FGC #16- Rondeau- Too Good to be true

Too Good To Be True To good to be true, that's what I thought, You'd think in my life that lesson would have been taught. But I tempted fate and brought on strife, And wondered where have u been all my life? For someone like you I really could have faught. What a catch I thought I had caught, And how much happiness this could have brought. Chances and risks will alway be rife. Too good to be true. Should have been careful I knew I ought, But this was something that couldn't be bought, Then you said the words that cut like a knife, You simply don't want me in your life, So I say goodbye to all I've sought. Too good to be true.